Massachusetts Divorce Law Monitor : Massachusetts Divorce Lawyer & Attorney : Nancy Van Tine : Burns & Levinson Law Firm : MA Divorce & Family Law : Massachusetts Divorce Law Monitor

Hi there,

I hope you all had a good weekend despite the weather.  I managed to avoid watching Tiger Woods' mea culpa last week, but then I came across this article which basically condones the behavior as "natural".  While I can certainly see the argument that promiscuity may be wired in people, (I have had animals all my life and I know its wired in in them) I really think that as adult human beings we all make choices and promiscuity is a particularly self destructive choice to be making. 

The Internet is a fertile field for divorce lawyers.  As one, I am very mindful of the pitfalls of social networking.  It also is a fertile field for thieves as this new site points out.  Privacy in this wired-in age can be illusory.  I had no idea how much information the mere existence of  technology can provide someone who is able to access it. 

And finally, a colleague of mine alerted me about this website, Simple Marriage.  It is an interesting compilation of self-help information.  If you are considering divorce you may want to review the possibilities for avoiding it.  Even if in the end divorce is inevitable, there is comfort in knowing you did try your best to avoid it.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there!

In almost every divorce case involving children the parents worry about how to tell the kids.  Here is a very good road map on the do's and dont's of informing your children about your pending divorce. 

Not so critical, but also important, is just how to divide your personal property with your soon-to-be-ex.  Here is a good outline of the various methods you might chose to use if you cant agree.

And still in the news, I have to admit  I was nastily pleased to read the Texas Attorney General filed too late to stop a gay couple who married in Massachusetts from getting divorced in Texas.  What happened to full faith and credit?

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

I have so much respect for the men and women who serve in the military, especially now, when we are involved in 2 wars. We all think of the obvious risks they run going to war.  Those who are parents run another risk that hasn't gotten much publicity.

On another note, violence by children is a family law problem all practitioners see occasionally. It is a very sad situation and also as this article shows, a true Catch 22.

Since this is Monday Miscellany, after all, I have been saving this article. I have actually had cases where there has been some concern about the cost of plastic surgery, I have not ever taken the issue to a judge though.

And in the totally random category, who knew - I certainly didn't - that Scott Brown was a divorce lawyer. 

Best,
Nancy

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Hi there,

Since I am working on a list of a series of topics to consider when getting divorced, a couple of related posts have popped up that I wanted to share.

The first, from the New Hampshire Divorce blog has to do with how to present yourself in court.  Court is a new experience for most folks and I have found that it helps make it a little less overwhelming if I tell them what to wear, as well as what to expect.

I had a post prior to the holidays which had some good links regarding scheduling assistance for co-parents, and I have just found another one which may also be helpful.

Take care!

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

It seems as if France is going to ban the burqa in hospitals and schools but not on the street.

I have always been horrified by the concept of the burqa - I consider the fact that I was born female in 20th century America to be a stroke of overwhelming good fortune, but apparently burqas are bad for your health as well.  While we're on the subject, the concept of Burqa Barbie also blows my mind.  It seems so wrong on so many levels, when you think of those poor little girls whose future will be life in the "brown bag," so should they really get a doll that celebrates their condition?  No good answer.

Finally, if you did hit the jackpot and were born female in the United States, the times they are a changin' - men now are the ones marrying up.  Of course that means that women now have to pay alimony as well.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there;

Happy Martin Luther King Day.  I have to confess that I don't usually stop to consider MLK day, it just provides a welcome 3 day weekend in the middle of the winter.

But this year, with the horrific situation in Haiti going on, it made me think about the heroism of ordinary people.  The folks in Haiti, without water or food, in 90 degree heat, digging through the rubble with their bare hands for survivors.  The folks from all over the world in rescue units who appear to have dropped everything and gone to help out. 

While Martin Luther King was obviously heroic, he certainly wasn't an ordinary person.  Miep Gies, the woman who hid Anne Frank and her family was ordinary, but she showed extraordinary courage.  She died this week at the age of 100.

Dr. King and Miep Gies were inspirations to many people in their lifetimes.  The actions of ordinary people in Haiti are inspiring, and a fitting tribute to the memories of these two unique heroes.

May things get better in Haiti soon.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

I just came across this piece on a child's first post-divorce holiday from the First Wives World blog, which I would usually save for a Monday's Miscellany post, but it is so relevant and timely that I am putting it up now. The first set of holidays post separation are generally the worst for everyone and this article has a lot of common sense ideas.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there!

This appears to be the silly season for Monday :-) 

As a grandmother (and boy do I love saying that) I got a real giggle out of this piece from The Onion.

Law firms at year end are all about collecting fees.  We as partners are barraged with reminders, lists and general nagging to get us to collect.  I roared when one of my partners sent this around the other day.

As a divorce lawyer I see all sorts of fallout from folks confessing to affairs (I happen to think "don't tell" is a good policy; confession may be good for the soul but it hurts your partner), though I have never before seen the dos and don'ts of confessing your affairs (courtesy of The Daily Beast).

And finally, on a more serious note, here's a piece on the AffiDavid blog, run by David Yas, the publisher of Massachusetts Lawyers Weekly.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

I started out the weekend thinking I wouldn't have anything to put up today; however, thanks to my fellow bloggers I have some great links!

First, from Taxgirl, a post on child support. I have gotten similar inquiries on my post on child support as well.

Here's a funny (and true) story about giving the 'bird' during a parking dispute.  You'll be surprised by the outcome.

Then another post from Taxgirl, (that's 2 in one blog post, thank you Taxgirl!) a fascinating post on Tiger Woods and taxes.  A partner of mine always says that tax ties into everything and I guess he is right.

And finally, a very funny post on how to survive the holidays.  I also had a post on this, Holidays Are For Kids, a few days ago which might be helpful - it outlines a few schedule options for dealing with the holidays as a divorcee with kids.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there!

I hope you all had a terrific Thanksgiving.  Back to the real world now ...

A friend sent me this map of unemployment statistics (originally written by Latoya Egwuekwe and published by the American Observer), which outlines the Geography of a Recession, by month and county/state.  It is real clear that a lot of folks are still having a terrible time regardless of the small improvements we may see or hear about. 

One of the more frightening realities of being a divorce lawyer is having a client who you are certain is at terrible risk of domestic violence. I don't know what caused this lawyer to follow her client in her car but let us hope that the client lives.  It sounds as if the quick first aid (not part of the law school curriculum) may have helped (courtesy of the ABA Journal).

It was apparently a slow news weekend as Tiger Woods' unfortunate mishap, or whatever it really was, lead the news.  My bet is on a "marital spat."  Just in case you were curious (I know I was), here are the five things you need to know about Tiger Woods' alleged other woman, courtesy of EOnline.  Her name is Rachel Uchitel by the way.

And finally, attached is a fascinating piece from those rogue economists at the Freakonomics Blog, with hardly any connection to divorce law.

Enjoy!

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there!

It really doesn't seem possible that Thanksgiving is this week (what I am really saying is I am having 27 folks for dinner and I am so not ready)!

This week's miscellany includes a really useful tool for parents, divorced and not, to handle scheduling through the Internet.  I have long been in favor of divorced parents communicating via email.  In fact, we have been known to train clients in how to keep the conversation civil.  This service, as lawyer/blogger Michelle O'Neil points out in the excellent Dallas Divorce Law Blog, has even been utilized as a tool by the courts.

It seems the news is still full of stories about the rise in personal bankruptcies and foreclosures.  I know the tough economy has to be even tougher for folks trying to make the income that once covered one household stretch to two.  Here is a good article on some financial mistakes that may lead to bankruptcy, courtesy of the Los Angeles Bankruptcy Law Monitor.

Yet another jurisdiction is considering the gay marriage issue.

Divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences there is.  It is so stressful that I routinely suggest that all clients get a counselor/therapist to help them understand the emotional roller coaster they are on.  Apparently, in Canada that individual is called a divorce coach, which seems extremely civilized (although I wonder how it is paid for, is it covered by the Canadian health insurance?).  In any case, there is an excellent and useful article on this by the ever articulate Brian Galbraith in his Ontario Family Law Blog.

And finally, I know this is possibly a bit politically incorrect, but it is funny.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Best,

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Hi there!

I hope you stayed dry this past weekend.

Just when I think legal advertising can't get any worse, a colleague directs me to the litigation over the "Lawyer of Love."

I have been watching the health care debate with great interest, and I found this analysis very illuminating.  The Taxgirl is talking about intact families of course, but the same considerations are applicable to divorced families as well.

Finally, here's a story sponsored today by the letter "H" and made possible by Judge Terence T. Evans in the case of U.S. v. Murphy, 406 F.3d 857, 859 (7th Cir. 2005).  Here is a portion of the actual transcript and a footnote.  

The trial transcript quotes Ms. Hayden as saying Murphy called her a snitch bitch “hoe.” A “hoe,” of course, is a tool used for weeding and gardening. We think the court reporter, unfamiliar with rap music (perhaps thankfully so), misunderstood Hayden's response. We have taken the liberty of changing “hoe” to “ho,” a staple of rap music vernacular as, for example, when Ludacris raps “You doin' ho activities with ho tendencies.”

To read the complete transcript of this case click here.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi There!

I can't believe October is almost over already!  The weeks are flying by.

The issue of trust is often a "hot potato" in divorce proceedings.  We have all heard that relationships that are based on lies are doomed, but still many (most?) married couples would likely admit to telling little fibs, or "white lies" to their spouses.  So does that mean that lying to your spouse is okay as long as it isn't a "big lie," or is a lie a lie no matter how big or small?  Daniel Clement's New York Divorce Blog addresses this issue in a recent post, "Lies: Good or Bad for a Marriage?"

In case you didn't know, the authors of the best selling book "Freakonomics" also have a blog by the same name.  A recent post had some interesting data on marriage(s) which caught my eye, and I thought I would share it with you.

The Balloon Boy story is still full of hot air (sorry couldn't help myself).

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

Boy do the weeks go by fast!  It feels like I just did one of these yesterday.

I had a post here last week on how not to divorce using the Gosselin's embarrassing public saga as an example.  Apparently, I was not the only one who thought they were over the top. 

I am frequently asked what books on divorce I can recommend and embarrassingly, I really have no suggestions.  Some time ago a colleague sent me this post about suggested reads courtesy of Atty. Stephen McDonough's "The Divorce Collaborative" blog.  I have checked out the list of suggested books and they are indeed worth reading.

Simply because it really falls into the category of child neglect (abuse?), I have a link to a good story about last Friday's idiocy, aka the Balloon Boy saga, which now appears to have been a hoax.

And finally, yet another hoax.  This type is more common unfortunately.

Have a good week!

Best,
Nancy

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Hi There,

From taxes to Alec Baldwin giving advice on how to divorce  - this week's selection really is a very mixed bag.

My favorite tax blog had a funny post on how not to do your taxes.

I have watched Alec Baldwin's very public display of parental ineptitude with some amazement, but I was even more amazed to hear he had written a book on the topic.

Texas has a constitutional amendment which defines marriage as between one man and one woman but apparently if you are gay and married elsewhere you may be able to divorce in Texas. However Gideon Alper, another one of my favorite bloggers, had a more in depth analysis which is very interesting.

And since death is even more inevitable than divorce, I am including a link to a very informative piece on what to do when a family member dies.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

I have a habit of saving articles and other blog posts people send me in the hope that I might actually use them in a specific post.  Since my computer (who I think of as a separate and occasionally malignant co-worker) lost all the ones I had saved, I've decided on random Monday sto post all of the interesting stuff, relevant to divorce or not, I have been saving.

So here goes the first Monday Miscellany:

1.  Divorce is one of the most stressful life experiences there is.  It is topped only by the death of a spouse, or God forbid, that of a child.  Daniel Clement,  who writes a terrific divorce blog in New York, recently had an interesting post, "Divorce is Bad For Health," on his blog.

2.  If you are in need of some stress relief here is an article from the "Happy You, Life Coaching & Events" blog that might be useful.

3.  In the category of waaay too much stress, many divorcing folk find themselves having to deal with elderly and/or ill parents at the same time.  This post from Leanna Hamill's "Massachusetts Estate Planning & Elder Law Blog" gives some useful advice on how to handle the practical needs of a parent entering a hospital.

Take care!

Best,

Nancy

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