Massachusetts Divorce Law Monitor : Boston, MA Divorce & Family Law Lawyer & Attorney : Nancy Van Tine : Burns & Levinson Law Firm

Hi there,

It appears that the divorce rate is declining.  That can only be considered good news, but anecdotally I think it means that the percentage of tougher cases has increased for practitioners. I have noticed our group seems to have a never ending stream of custody cases.  I am in the middle of a custody trial right now, so I decided to pass on some things that may help the kids.

First of all, Massachusetts has a mandated parenting course.  Divorcing parents of kids 18 and younger are required to take this course within 45 days of filing.  I try to get my clients to take it as soon as possible, as it can help with some very simple things.

Then from a child's perspective, how your parents tell you about the divorce is critical.   While there always should be a united, supportive front, many divorcing couples are unable to get past the immediate anger to present a united front.

Books help (In my world books always help, but that's another post).  Almost every library has an excellent selection.  A list of books reviewed by Benjamin Garber, MD and members of the staff of the Barr-Harris Children's Grief Center may be accessed here.

And remember, kids are resilient and they know when they are loved.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

I was just complaining with my coworkers about this time of year as a divorce lawyer.  I usually LOVE my job but the past two weeks, and probably next week as well, are the nadir as they are the time when high conflict couples discuss and (maybe) try to resolve the issues of children and holidays.  This is not easy for anyone, and it is always especially hard if you are facing the first holiday without either your spouse or your children.

Donna Ferber has one of my favorite blogs and she has a great post on this topic in time for Thanksgiving this year.

May you and your family have a great Thanksgiving.

Best,

Nancy

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Hi there,

One of the toughest things to watch as a divorce practitioner is parents putting kids in the middle of the parental war zone. Passing messages, engaging in passive aggressive behavior over visit times, and worst of all, letting kids see the divorce papers - the list of ways to hurt children is practically endless.  Parents who would never deliberately hurt their kids in the frenzy of the divorce put their children squarely in the middle. A colleague just sent me a terrific blog from Great Britain on how to handle children in a divorce.

Some parenting truths are universal.

Best,

Nancy

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Hello there,

I find this to be a very interesting topic that everyone has a different opinion about and as I wrote this I realized what I was writing was different from my usual posts, but what the hell?!

I am sure one of the more difficult issues faced by a parent contemplating divorce is the effect of the divorce on the kids. I see many folks who are uncertain as to whether or not to stay in a pretty untenable situation simply because they want their children to be older and they think more able to accept before they divorce.

Through years of watching families, reading and observing children of friends, I am not so sure that this is so. I actually think the younger the kids are when the divorce happens (assuming the parents are civil and flexible about parenting) the easier it is for the kids to adapt. A 2 year old has very little difficulty where a 13 year old is at a developmental point where this can be much harder. I also think that a child in college may be more vulnerable than one who is around and in high school. And oddly enough I think that adult children have a very tough time, perhaps because they need to then rethink their childhood and possibly because parents tend to be more open with an adult child.

I would very much like to hear your comments and feedback on this post because as I said it is totally anecdotal and may be off base.

Best,
Nancy

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Hi There,

When parents cannot communicate or agree after a divorce a parent coordinator is sometime used to help resolve matters. There's a very interesting article in this week's issue of Massachusetts Lawyer's Weekly which gives a much more in- depth presentation. if you are involved in any custody or disputed parenting actions you might want to read it.

There is a dispute among divorce practitioners as to the utility of parent coordinators.  A few extremely good divorce litigators  refuse to use parent coordinators at all. I happen to think that in the right circumstances and with the right parent coordinator they can be invaluable. No matter how much a parent coordinator charges, it will be less than the costs of litigation. I also think there is a true psychological benefit to the kids to keeping their parents out of court.  

May you never need a parent coordinator.

Best,

Nancy

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After the defendant has been served or has entered an appearance, one or both parties usually file a motion asking the court for temporary orders. These deal with important issues such as:
• Who has to move out
• Who has physical custody of the kids (where they live)
• Who has legal custody of the kids (who chooses their doctor)
• Visitation issues (parenting plan)
• Spousal support and/or child support
• Other financial issues such as who pays the mortgage, medicals bills, tuition, etc.
Obviously, these are all compelling and important issues which differ widely from family to family. If the issues can be resolved between the parties, or the parties and their lawyers, then their agreement can be brought to court in the form of a joint stipulation which the judge will (usually) approve and adopt as a court order. The judge will send the parties to Family Service to mediate unresolved issues. Issues remaining after mediation will be decided by the Judge after hearing from both sides.
Before going to Court your attorney should help you prepare a financial statement (there are two - for those with income over $75k and for those with income under $75k.)  It is one of the most important documents you will file. It MUST be accurate and it should explain any financial matters that require explanation.
Do not underestimate the importance of temporary orders. They can become a baseline for the final outcome. Also, financial and family pressure from an unfavorable order can place a litigant at a serious tactical disadvantage.

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Hi there,

For most divorcing couples the legal process begins with filing what is called the complaint. This is a form (PDF) which sets out the basic information the Court and the other side need. In addition to the obvious, it asks where you last lived together as this tells the court whether or not you have filed in the right county and whether Massachusetts has jurisdiction.

It lists the children, asks if anyone has filed previously and also asks what are the grounds for divorce. Massachusetts is a "no fault" state, we call it "irretrievable breakdown." In practical terms this means that either a person can get a divorce without the assent of the other party and without having to prove the other party at fault. Which brings me to the fault grounds. We have a lot of choices; irretrievable breakdown (two kinds, with an agreement and without one) and fault grounds:
• Adultery
• Cruel and abusive treatment
• Utter desertion continued for one year
• Sentence of confinement in a penal institution
• Gross and confirmed habits of intoxication caused by voluntary and excessive use of intoxicating liquor, opium or other drugs
• Gross or wanton and cruel refusal or neglect to provide suitable support and maintenance
• Impotency

I've been practicing 30 years and I've seen a lot of cases where adultery has occurred, this obviously has hurt the non cheating spouse BUT I've only used adultery as the grounds a few times, generally when the client had to declare those grounds in order to comply with certain religious requirements. The reason for this restraint is that Judges tend to frown on using the more dramatic grounds because the complaint is a public document, easily accessible and potentially in the future could be viewed by children, employers etc. As more and more counties get the dockets online this reason has become even more compelling. This doesn't mean that you ignore bad behavior, conduct is one of the areas a Judge must consider if he or she is trying the case, it just means that you cover all types of bad behavior by filing for cruel and abusive treatment. Everyone knows that cheating on your spouse is cruel. Right?

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